Day 1

My latest drinking session started at 11.15am on Saturday 15th of January 2022. Whilst it's now the Monday after, the session went on for so long that today is actually the first official day of non-drinking. The pain on the side of my head, from the fall I experienced in the early hours of Sunday morning is still throbbing. I could not walk or talk - I was completely fucking legless. I simply don't know how I managed to walk back home from the local pub, I fell and stumbled constantly. My Son (apparently) had to help me up the stairs and in to bed.  

I had been at the Etihad stadium watching City beat Chelsea. By the 12.30pm kick-off I had sunk three pints already. Half time another one and after the ecstasy of seeing KDB's wonder goal, I went back to the 93:20 bar and drank two more after the final whistle. That was just the warm up. 

As many City fans do, I went to Mary D's beamish bar after the game where we met fellow supporters and joined in the revelling - two more pints there. The Townley pub came next, another Man City pub across the road from the first, and by this time our group had swelled - two more pints.

It gets very blurry after that - lots of taxis with new acquaintances in tow, three of four more bars and pubs, meeting my wife and Son's girlfriend, and then suddenly being on my own and very vulnerable - I estimate another 6 pints of beer at least. 

So, as I sit here with my throbbing head acting as a constant reminder of a day that I can not remember, I have made a vow to myself. It's not the first time this vow has been made, but something feels different this time, and if I am actually bothering to write these issues down at last, maybe I am finally coming out of denial. I can't help thinking I actually have a shot at this - for how long though I honestly don't know.

My problem isn't a constant craving for alcohol or drinking on a daily basis, in fact I rarely drink Monday to Friday, OK Monday to Thursday then. but I can go a relatively long time between drinks. The problem I have is when I do drink there are no boundaries - I can't stop! I only do so when my body finally passes out. I now realise it's still an alcohol problem, slightly different than people who can't put down a bottle, but a problem and a very dangerous one too. Extreme binge drinking I would call it.

So why do I do it? I have no relationship worries, no money worries and no job worries - I am financially self sufficient, do not need to work, own houses in the UK and Spain and alternate between my UK home and Marbella every three weeks. I am fit and watch what I eat. I am  incredibly lucky and have acquired a lifestyle that I love. I fill the days cycling the mountains of Andalucia or the Peak district, playing tennis and walking with my wife along the Marbella sea front or Cheshire Plain. I regularly embark on cycle tours in the UK and rural Spain, staying in hotels in picturesque villages along the way. Cycling is my true life passion, Spain is my second and dare I say alcohol (was I hope) my third.

I often think that the biggest problem I have is that I have no problems! I drink because I can, but when I do I simply don't stop. No, I simply can't stop. My relationship with alcohol has always been a love/hate one - my nine lives almost spent, Sunday's fall and head bang on the pavement now added to the list. 

So my new journey started at 2.45am on Sunday 16th January 2022. A journey to cut the booze and to concentrate on the great things I love about life. This drug that saps energy and life out of you, that has incapacitated me for the last 32 hours, that I have worshipped for too long needs to be replaced with just the simple joys of life. If I have what I want already, why do I need to search for more? 

In truth I do not know how long this will last or if I will even succeed, there's a high chance I won't from past experience, but I do feel the first step has been achieved by accepting and writing down my problem. Moderation is not an option for my type of alcohol issue. By the time I have had two pints I will not be able to stop. The only option I have is to quit completely.

Day one then will comprise of a ride out on my cross-bike for a morning of muddy sloshing on the cycle  trails of Poynton and Macclesfield. The best tonic to re-awaken my endorphins whilst I reflect shamefully on the pointlessness of last weekend. 

I will keep updating the blog with my progress. I will stop writing when I have my next alcoholic drink.

Steve Wallace










 



 





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