Day 12

Temptation noun: a strong urge or desire to have or do something. : or something that causes a strong urge or desire to have or do something and especially something that is bad, wrong, or unwise.

According to the Oxford dictionary,  the word temptation has two subtle but importantly different definitions. It can be the word to describe the urge itself, but can also be the name of the thing that causes that urge.

In Plaza de Naranjos (Orange Square) yesterday, at around noon, the low winter sun was just starting to rise above the peaks of the picturesque orange trees that line the square. The perfect warmth was hitting Rachel and I full in the face. I sat down and briefly took in the view of the beautiful 15th century square with the trees and ripened oranges silhouetted against the deep blue sky. Then I closed my eyes and soaked up the warmth. It had been a long journey from Manchester and an obscenely early start to the day. 

We were sat outside our favourite Marbella cafe bar which we have been coming to for many, many years. It's the first place we head for in Spain. The airport bus drops us at Marbella bus station, and rather than wait for a second bus to reach our apartment, we sit and drink an ice cold beer, or two and eat tapas with Rioja wine, almost as a ceremonious ritual of relief and happiness to have finally arrived in our paradise.

This was it. It was my crossroads and I knew it. If I fell here the game was up. The waitress was very busy, she took an eternity to come and take our order. I think this helped. If I had had to make a snap decision I may well have ordered the beer in the iced glass that I love drinking here. As it happened I had a good ten minutes to think through my choices and their consequences.

Temptation was biting me hard.  For some bizarre reason I looked up the definition on my phone whilst sat there waiting to order. Yes the urge for a drink was present and very strong, and that's what I always thought temptation meant, that feeling, that urge. But I never realised it could also mean the thing that causes that urge. In effect temptation can be anything at all then I pondered, anything that makes you want to do something bad, wrong or unwise. It is  a million different things to a million different people, and right now my temptation was Orange Square. It was working it's magic on me, seducing me and weakening me whilst my guard was down.

The waitress finally arrived and asked for our order, I couldn't see her properly with the sun directly in my eyes. Then it happened there and then. Just for an instant my world stood still and in all it's glory behind the waitress I saw Orange Square in a completely different light. It was bad, wrong and unwise, it was MY temptation. My senses snapped back into gear. Orange Square was not going to defeat me. The word 'Cerveza' came out of my mouth. My wife's head started turning towards me. She was going to ask me if I was sure, I just know she was, Then, I metaphorically struggled out of the grip of my temptation with the words 'Sin alcohol'. 

The non-alcoholic beer still came in an ice frosted glass, I enjoyed sipping it in the warm sunshine and chatting with Rachel. My relationship with Orange Square had changed though, no, it had seismically shifted. I will always be in awe of its beauty and it will still remain my first port of call in Spain, but as the flamenco guitarist serenaded us, it would no longer be the place to start a long day of drinking, I just knew it.   

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done - seriously. A massive, possibly life changing hurdle overcome. A battle I had to win. I can't think of one that will be harder during our entire time in Spain. 

After Orange Square we went to a little tapas bar we know well, just around the corner from the square. It felt strange eating the amazing Spanish food with a diet coke and not a large glass of Rioja Reserva, I instinctively ordered the coke though, no dilemmas there at all. After all I'd just won one of my greatest battles. 

Beating a binge drinking addiction is an iterative process I am learning. One day, one hurdle at a time. I'm now writing this on the morning of day 13. I am full to the brim of energy and about to head out to the beach - that's my reward for yesterday's win. 

I've just got a text message from a good friend we meet down in Spain when we come down. He asked if we wanted to meet on Sunday. Often we go out drinking and eating around Marbella with Arwin, and as a Spanish local he has introduced me to some great places. I agreed to meet but explained I wasn't drinking alcohol. He's a lovely guy and replied to me that it was no problem and he will support that, but would I please take an hour over a soft drink to smoke a cuban cigar with him, which he has bought me as a gift. He sent me a picture.

My reply to him, 'I could be tempted'.